I love black thongs
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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