i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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