I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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