Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
