I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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