Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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