Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
