my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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