I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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