I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
