Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
literally had 100 drinks last night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
