I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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