there was a trapeze. enough said
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's get the cat blown out
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
