Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
