no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
