Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
