woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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