I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
