I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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