And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
