I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
