u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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