I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
