I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
