I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize