make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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