Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize