she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
