There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
