i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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