woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
