this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
