She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
