I think i peed on brittanys purse
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
