Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
