You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
