the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
