A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
