His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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