we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
