Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
