I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
