I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
