and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
