Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
