those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you made out with another girl for some wings
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
