Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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