Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
