Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
