Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
