Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
