Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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