lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
