In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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