can we get nightvision for the apartment?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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