Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
