Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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