i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
