she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you never un-have a 4some
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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