just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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