You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
