It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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