so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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