I hate all girls vehemently.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
