There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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