I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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