Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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