Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
