It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
