Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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