It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
