he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
