Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
