I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize