I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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