I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
