these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
