do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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