I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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