How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
