Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
