Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
